A Pilgrim

What is it?
My conscience nudged me and asked.
You look sad, spent, disoriented.
I hope I knew, I sighed.
My mind, tired by centuries of folly
Tells me it's time.
You have played your part.
It's time, to cross over
And look back with longing
And desperation.
You have become a pilgrim
Who has crossed lands and seas
And come so far away
Only to realize too late
What you left behind
Was your salvation.

A pilgrim
Trapped in his own doing
Resigned to his fate
I foolishly seek
What was already mine.

I still carry on
Fuelled by shame, embarrassment, anger
I only push myself to my limits
Hoping I would break
And in that unforgiving act
Would be my last apology.