Thursday, July 24, 2014

My Moody Z

A phone with superpowers. Now that would be something. The thought had just occurred to me when I heard a resounding "Ahem...". Sitting bolt upright on by bed, I was about to scream a lungful when I  suddenly realized it was my new Zenfone 7.

"You should have gotten used to me by now" an indignant pause. It would have been more dramatic if these sounds were not just playing on my head.

"I don't do dramatic. "

Ok , ok, I silently pacified my Zenfone I now call just Z. You see, from not so humble beginnings, Z has come a long way. The only one of its kind of a neurophone, it is actually hands free. The only time you touch it is when you pick it up to go out.  Or when you turn off the "human mimicking intelligent neuro/audio-communicate" feature.

"I am not dying to be touched either. And the term is turning off neural communication. And you need to terminate the audio communication feature as well. I can talk too.. in case you don't remember."

Fine.. fine.. It would be really creepy if I had setup a male voice. I sigh with comparative relief. I am experiencing something new with the Z. Silence is not that golden. Specially when you have a self learning neurophone. Communicating with thoughts. Silently sarcastic. I hate that part. But I was warned. I had set the realistic levels to 80%. Probably its time to change them to factory settings.

"I am self aware too. And I think you can't take a joke"

Oh yes .. you are..

"By the way, I am the only one of my kind"

Yes.. I know.. what are you trying to say?

" Phone with superpower? Duh?"

What? Wait, you think you have a superpower?

"By standard definition, if you have something that others don't, humans tend to classify it as a superpower."

"Got you this time. They said give your phone a superpower. You already have this power. So technically you are wrong!" - I said aloud, smug at having bested the ... uhm.. phone.

"Very funny", replied a sweet voice."In that case, I  am free to chose my superpower".

" So basically you are asking me to write a post extolling your imaginary superpowers?"

" You kept the auto instruct on. Your fault"

Does the voice setup has something to do with  the other setting? I mean, I feel like I am arguing with a girl.

" I heard that"

"Sigh...well,  in that case, go on"

" So how about giving me the power to constantly monitor you"


"I mean , to see if you are doing well. Are your organs fine. The heart, liver,kidneys.. the works... you know. Hows your blood pressure. "

"You can do that?"

"Well.. they asked us to give any superpower. And I like this"

"Well... seems interesting! Probably you can alert me if I have a travel planned and I would be caught unawares by a full bladder in the middle?"

"Technically yes. But it's gross. "

"Gross? It's cool! I like this!"

"I can't sigh.."

"I get what you are trying to say"


"Ok, so what then? Once you have this power, and you come to know that I am in some trouble, I mean with my health."

"Well, I will map your condition to the nearest specialty hospitals, and simultaneously order an ambulance and inform your near ones if it's serious"

"That's cold, you know"

"Just in case."

" Hmm.. Interesting. If you have the power to do all this, that's indeed a superpower."

"You bet. I can also inform you the best time to plan for a child. When your counts are high."

"Lets skip that. I will uncheck that option." Jesus!

"Suits me fine. Don't take the lord's name in vain"

" You know, I will either keep the neuro or the audio on, not both"

" Yes, it heats up my processors too when both the modes are on"

"Ok, I will write about it. But I need one more superpower. A cooler one"


"Double the powers, double the chances. It's called taking a chance."

"Like gambling?"

"Forget it.. now think about something else"

"I don't think I can handle two superpowers. My processors...."

"Oh yeah, your beloved family jewels will heat up"

"I am updating my sarcasm database with that"

"Go on, And while you are at it, let me tell you the superpower I want you to have. I would like you to have the power of a lightsaber! You will be a nuclear powered super device capable of wreaking havoc. You can protect me in danger"



"Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter."

"Why the hell are you quoting Yoda?"

""No more training do you require, already know you, that which you need."

"Ok I get it. You are a huge Yoda fan. Now listen to me. You can be a light saber or not?"

"I guess if I am nuclear powered, and have a saber slot built, I can try to be.But I refuse to be used to kill someone. "

"Oh hell.. whatever... lets leave this and stick to our original idea. You being a sort of a medical super device. I need to start writing this article else I will never submit it in time"

"Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny"

"Can we just stop these Yoda drops of wisdom?"

"Was just trying to encourage you. By the way, do you want me to print everything we discussed? Might act as raw material to your article"

"Yeah, please do that. And turn off your neuro and audio mode after that. And as I always forget, please turn them on automatically after 2 hours"

"Sure thing. Documents sent to printer-check. Best of luck. Hope you win that zenfone. Would love a little baby brother"

Turning off in 3...2...1 

This post is written as a part of Asus Zen Indiblogger Contest.