A bundle of joy you were
When my eyes rested on you for the first time.
I remember it well
Because it was the only time
You cried and I was happy.
So fragile, yet strongly alive
With each breath you grew
Crying when hungry, soiling your clothes
You announced your arrival.
Teeth less gums, pink and soft
Became the most beautiful thing I saw everyday
Your fragrance and your soft breath
Became my music.
The nights were long and sometimes hard
You were fussy,colicky and sometimes naughty
I sure did miss my sleep
But now I miss those times too.
My son, I love you
Not only for coming to my life
But also for helping me see my parents in a new way
For making me understand your mother more
For making my life simple
Because now the only thing I yearn for,
Is to be a good son,husband and a father.
I like it...I would recommend a couple points to make this poem pop 1. Poems in my opinion need to have a beat or rhythm...beat beat boop, next line beat beat boop. Something like that. So when you reading it there is a rhythm. 2. I always count my lines and make each stanza the same length. 3. The end of each stanza, to me, needs to kick off the next line... Now remember this is how I write and poetry is unique to each and every one of us. What works for me may not work for you. Believe in your words and work and don't be discouraged. Engage your audience...they will tell you when something is good then play to that strength.
ReplyDeleteHi Diana,thanks for your advice. I will surely keep that in mind. Glad you liked my poem!
DeleteThere is a surge of emotions in these lines. Nice read.
ReplyDeleteI liked the comment by Diana very much.
Thanks Indrani! Yeah, Diana gave me some really good advice
DeleteVery well said - I could relate to the time when my daughter was born and it really helped me know my parents in a way I should have.
ReplyDeleteThanks Abhra. Glad you liked it!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful
ReplyDelete